the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
