Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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