I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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