omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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