I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
