She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
