Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
