What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
