every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
