If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
