Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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