Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
