its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
