just come out here and I will go home with you...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ugly people sure do ruin things
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
