we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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