I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
