The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
how drunk are you?
Several
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
