So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
