Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
