u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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