Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
