i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
