R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
