If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
