U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
