I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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