Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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