i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
