Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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