accomplished twins. life is a go
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
