My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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