Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
