therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
my nose is crying tears of wow.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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