Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We have started to decorate penises.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
