careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
