I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
