If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
