Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
