I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
