i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
