alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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