Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He better not be in your backpack
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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