Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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