what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
