You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
