I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
