IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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