Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
