Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
