she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
