your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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