I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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